Sunday, December 11, 2011

My RBNY Holiday Wish List

Is There a Trophy in That Bag?
Dear Santa,

I've tried to be good in 2011. I kept my cursing at incompetent MLS referees to a minimum (6 times per game, max), gritted my teeth and got through a mostly horrible Red Bulls season, and supported my team home and away despite a long string of embarrassing performances and management screw-ups. I'll be back for what I am sure will be more disappointment in 2012 (yeah I'm one of the suckers who renewed on day one). In return for my blind faith, can you see fit to fill my Christmas stocking with the following?:
  • A one way plane ticket to Denmark - passenger name B. Nielsen. Preferably coach. And he won't be needing a meal.
  • One competent goalkeeper under the age of 36. Must be able to kick the ball past the halfway line and not injure himself on cross-country flights.
  • One or two central defenders. Should have some familiarity with the concept of defending a set-piece. The ability to pose some threat at the other end would be a plus.
  • Six months of anger management classes. I'd like to bring my friends Thierry Henry and Luke Rodgers along.
  • Steel toed boots to motivate a certain Mexican superstar and a young American striker.
  • A creative midfielder DP capable of controlling the tempo and spraying magical passes to Mssrs. Henry and Rodgers.
  • A new substitutes bench. Never mind, the one we have is still in mint condition.
and finally...
  • A real trophy. Not some Mickey Mouse Cup or Desert Invitational Trophy or Meaningless European Tournament Shield. Whether it's the Supporters Shield, the US Open Cup (don't laugh) or the Anschutz Homophobia Trophy doesn't matter. Just bring some sliverware to the Cathedral of Football, Red Bull Arena (Built by Makita), and I'll be a happy bunny.
So there you have it, Santa. I'm not asking for much. Well except for that last one, but a man has to dream big, doesn't he? I'll leave some cookies out for you, big fella.

Warmest regards,

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