Monday, April 23, 2012

DC United vs RBNY: HolgerssCide!

What can be said about this one except that an anemic & rudderless NY Red Bulls "team" was totally owned by DC United. One can call this game a disaster, a nightmare, just plain garbage, a thrashing of epic proportions or maybe total destruction at the hands of our most hated rival. I prefer to call it HolgerssCide, in honor of Markus Holgersson, one of the chief culprits of this debacle. One guy I know suggested his performance might have been an optical illussion because Holgersson couldn't possibly be that bad. If he were that bad, then he wouldn't be able to make a Sunday League team, let alone the New York Red Bulls. Right?

To be fair to Holgy, he wasn't the only defender who looked "Sunday League" yesterday, but he was (by far) the worst of the bunch and rightly targeted all game by DC. Both Holgersson and Keel were bystanders as Pontius scored the 1st DC goal. On DC's 2nd, Maicon Santos muscled his way through Keel, Solli and Palsson (any of whom could have put the ball out for a corner). Lade then whiffed on clearing Santos' cross, serving the ball to Pontius, who scored the easiest goal he'll ever score in his career. Then, a Palsson "clearance" put the ball into the path of DeRo, who promptly made Lade look about as stout as a rag doll, before passing to De Leon, for DC's 3rd. The 4th DC goal was the best of the bunch (IMHO), as Pontius did his best Messi impression when he rounded Holgersson with so much ease that... It's not even possible he's that bad! The DC forward then made Palsson look invisible and boom - total fucking humilitation for RBNY! A Thierry Henry free kick Golazo, late in the game, was way too little, way too late.

If I didn't know any better, I would say that nobody likes NY, not even NY's management. How else does one explain us being saddled with several players, who are so horrible that it defies description. If you think I'm going too far, I invite you to see the lowlights video above. I said it last week (in one of my stupid videos) that, with this defense, we're going to have to score at least 4 on a regular basis JUST TO TIE games. With yesterday's game as evidence, you can call me fucking Carnac. But seriously folks, that's just totally inexcusable! Also, I'm thinking that Hans Backe has totally lost the proverbial plot. If Conde and Tainio are not consistantly healthy, if an actual quality CB partner for Conde isn't found, if DJ Solli and Roy Miller don't up their game, then we're going to be screwed by the lack of MLS ready players on this team.

Can Holgersson actually be the worst center back in the League? Is there a worse defensive midfielder in the league than Palsson? Are we seeing the true Stephen Keel now? Will Lade overcome his lack of size, in this very physical League, and become a true starting option at left back? I never thought I'd miss Tim Ream, Roy Miller and (dare I say it) Rafa Marquez so much.

Alrighty then that's enough ranting and raving for the week. Hopefully we can bounce back next week, against New England, @The Cathedral of Football, Red Bull Arena (built by Makita). Viper Out!

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