Tuesday, April 1, 2014

BREAKING! : Red Bulls Sign Argentine Creative Midfielder Manuel Lanzini

In a Viper's Nest exclusive, we can report that the New York Red Bulls have reached an agreement with Argentine club River Plate for the sale of their rising 21 year old superstar Manuel Lanzini. Lanzini, a true #10 Creative Midfielder, has been hailed as the next Juan Roman Riquelme by Argentine media. As per MLS rules, the terms of the transfer agreement were not disclosed. Lanzini, classified by MLS as a Young Designated Player, would be eligible to join his new team once the MLS Summer transfer window opens (on July 16th).

Our source within the Red Bulls front office can reveal that, while current management wanted to sign current Stoke City (BPL) forward Peter Crouch, it was the team's Austrian Overlord that demanded a young Creative Midfield Designated Player.

"The Powers-That-Be in Austria decided that enough was enough" our anonymous source stated. "There was a conference call, where a top executive questioned the signings from this past off-season as well as the wastage, through the lack of midfield creativity, of several talented forwards who've worn the RBNY shirt since 2007." Our source added: "It's too late for Juan Pablo Angel, but the Austrian brass feel that a midfield maestro will do wonders feeding the always hungry Thierry Henry, Tim Cahill and that lower English League talent Bradley Wright-Phillips, with through-balls and magic chips galore".

"This is really going to throw a wrench on current management's plan of molding the Red Bulls into Bolton-Lite" said our source. "They really wanted to stay the course, with long ball after long ball from the back-line and cross after cross from the wings. This whole midfield creativity thing is foreign to them".

In other Red Bulls roster news: The team will invoke the little used MLS "Do-Over Mechanism", which will see the return of current San Jose Right Back Brandon Barklage, while current, and much-maligned, RBNY Right Back Richard Eckersley will make his return to Toronto FC. According to our source, TFC wasn't very pleased with this new development. "They flat-out told us that, while they had no choice but to take Eckersley back, they would not be returning the bag of MLS balls that they got from us".

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